(I used to write for the website The Good Men Project a few years ago. I wrote this article, and it got a great response, but…I was never really satisfied with it. I took too long to get to my point, and it still bothers me. Well, I’ve dusted it off, and whittled the piece down to the good stuff. So, if you haven’t read the article, I hope you enjoy it. If you’ve read it before, in it’s original version, I hope you like this ‘remix’.)
I guess you could call me one of the more “typical” male writers in my field. I like my beer and football (the Yankee gridiron kind), and I’ve unashamedly gone to a Hooters. In different cities. Several different times. Yet, my politics mostly lean left, I’m pretty much for all for everyone’s human rights, and I have a real passion for everything that is the American woman.
Anyhoo, one of the things about women that I’ve been curious about is…sex. I’ve often wondered what women thought about sex. Do they like it? What kind of sex do they like? Is sex important to them? What do they think about the men they have sex with? How often did they want sex? What did they think about the men they’ve had sex with?
That last question is important, because as a man who’s had many serious, funny, open, and randy conversations with women about sex, women have often gone into detail with me about the men they’ve been with sexually. And many of these details have to do with surprises and revelations. Some of the men my female friends expected to be studs (the jacked personal trainer, the athlete) were average “performers”. But, more than a few men they assumed would be adequate lovers (men without muscles) turned out to have porn star level skills in the sack.
Well, I’m here to tell you, as a man who’s had my share of carnal interaction, the same thing goes for the ladies. You never know who will rock your world. I have to admit, I’d been taught by my fellow hetero men and society in general that hot women would be hot lovers, and the other women (heavy, average looking, etc.)…wouldn’t be. They wouldn’t be hot, wouldn’t be good, wouldn’t really be worth it.
Here are a few examples of what I’ve learned “in the field”. There’ve been times I thought the yoga instructor with 2% body fat was going to tear me apart (in a good way). And she didn’t. (She wasn’t bad) But the witty, bespectacled data entry clerk with the retro fashion sense did (she was amazing). A few times. There was the conservative, single, soccer mom who was Claire Huxtable by day, and a pagan sex goddess after 11pm. I’ll always remember the sarcastic “mean girl” who somehow convinced me to come to her place, and once “things” got started, I realized her attitude was just a shield to keep the bozos away from the most sexually gifted woman I’d met at that time of my life (let’s just say that whenever I went to her place, all appliances were turned off). I was very pleasantly surprised by each encounter 😉 But, also blown (no pun intended) away. My preconceived ideas about women and sex were smashed (pun kinda intended). Sexy clothes, make up, and heels didn’t necessarily equal sexy woman nor sexy playtime.
This isn’t to say that the thin, typically beautiful women I’ve “known” in my life didn’t knock my socks off. Some of them have. I’m just pointing out that outward appearances alone can’t give you an indication of the libido and the sexual prowess of any woman.
(And please, please don’t think me a player. I’m 45 years old. My volume of experiences is due to my time on Earth, not any Denzel-esque charm.)
In retrospect, what was so sexy about my individual sexual “discoveries” was having the privilege (or the honor) of seeing these women’s true sexual identities. Sides of them that many people wouldn’t get to see. And, frankly, enjoying these different personalities. Spending time with the data entry clerk was great because she was so sensual (and funny). Time spent with Sex Goddess Mom was always kinky and adventurous. The mean girl was actually very witty and open. And nude. A lot.
It’s obvious from what you’ve read from above, that I really love women. But, throughout the years, it’s been the constant, wonderful surprises from women that I’ve also equally loved. And who doesn’t love surprises?
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(This article originally appeared at The Good Men Project)