I know that many typical men (myself included) have been taught and told so many different things about having sex with women. If, and when you do have sex with a woman, there are certain things to do and certain ways to do those things. We have to be porn star skilled in the sack. The act itself has to be lengthy (if it’s not a quickie). We should be tantric sex experts and sexual Jedi Knights in the bedroom. Throughout the years, most (hetero men) have been conditioned to believe that their sexual identity has to be a mash up of Antonio Banderas’s sensuality and John Holmes’s sexual prowess.
I’m here to tell you guys out there the truth. When it comes to sexual performance with a woman, all you have to do is one thing.
That’s it. Just, please her. Most of us (men) won’t have a porn star’s sexual gifts and skills. That’s fine. Do what you are able to do, and please the woman you are with. Not every guy is well endowed. That’s OK. With what you do have, please that woman. You may not be the smoothest guy in the world, and somewhat awkward at times in the bedroom. That’s cool. Please your girl.
How do you please a woman? The answer to that is simple as well. Ask her. Most women will tell you what they like sexually. Personally, the vast majority of the women I’ve “known” could tell me very quickly what turned them on…and out. Many women are in tune with their bodies (many way more so than men. I know, that’s a stereotype, but in my experience, that’s been the case), so they may tell a man in detail what they like. My fellow dudes, all you have to do is follow the woman’s instructions. Trust me, you’ll both be better off for it.
The secret to sexual success for men is really that easy. Please her. If a woman tells you to kiss that, you kiss it. If she tells you to nibble on that, start nibbling. If she tells you to go to a certain area, and stay there, you go with urgency and camp out there, my friend. Listen to what the lady says, and just do your best.
All too easy (and fun).
(This article originally appeared at The Good Men Project.)