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The 5 Best Sex Positions of All Time

 

I’ve lived.

I’ve had hookups, booty calls, and one night stands (mostly with the aid of beer). And relationships…sometimes in one week (Ahhhh…the 90’s. And, the early 2000’s). So, I’m not an expert on sex. But, I know a little about sex positions.

 

From years of… field research, here are the sex positions that I’ve found to be the best. The hottest. The most fun. For me and my partners. Now, your top five list may different than mine. That’s cool. Some of you may even have a longer list…that’s awesome. This is just what I’ve encountered and liked.

Feel free to chime in via the comments section.

We’re just having a conversation 🙂

 

  1. Missionary: This isn’t a bad position. There are no bad sex positions (there are bad sex positions in bad places). It’s just that it’s the most typical one, the simplest one. This is the position that’s probably the most intuitive. In other words, your parents more than likely were in this pose when they conceived you, and me (suddenly, I need a therapist), while watching Monday Night Football. Missionary is the one sexual union that you end up in, not plan.

Plusses: It’s erotic as hell when you can look into each other’s eyes while you’re doing it. And it’s great for long, passionate sex. And it’s great for quickies, too.

Minuses: It’s not a hot position in of itself. And anyone can do it, which kind of robs it of any erotic mystique.

 

  1. Riding: Wild, erotic, and fun. Especially if the both of you have skills. From a hetero man’s standpoint, there’s nothing like watching a woman bouncing and riding your wood. It’s also a great way to grind, while inside a woman, different parts and zones of her vagina. This position works also, because it works for women with a more subdued sexuality, who may rock slow on a man…or it works for women with a Rock N Roll, head banging sex drive. A hot position for hot nights.

Plusses: It’s awesome if a woman is well endowed, and you’re able to grab/kiss on her breasts. Or, if a woman is really sexually gifted and knows how to move rhythmically. Fellas know, any woman who can ride the wood well always is among the first texted.

Minuses:  There are some women who may be self-conscious about riding a man, due to body image issues. It’s real, and it happens. These women shouldn’t be pressured into this position. It may take time for them to try it, and that’s OK.    (Although, I’ve got a few BBW friends who have no body image hang-ups at all, and will ride a man like The Lone Ranger.)

 

  1. Reverse Cowgirl: Only for the freaky. This is…pimp s**t. When a woman is up for this, and can do it, well…she may get an engagement ring. Tomorrow night. This position is erotic, fun, hot, wild, exciting…it’s amazing. Now, the guy has to be able to perform, too. A man can stay still, and let the lady do all of the work, but where’s the fun in that? Dudes should tilt their pelvises slightly in the up position, even if they are well endowed. Just enough to hit those special spots inside of a woman. Then, it’s time to watch her go to work, grinding, twerking, and bouncing on da wood. This is the position that, if done right, will cause a guy to pause his Madden 17 Franchise season, and drive to a nearby state to see a woman. A bomb ass position.

 

Plusses: If a woman has an incredible ass, this is THE position to be in, except for my number one position (scroll down a few lines for that one). There’s nothing like watching a J-Lo, Atlanta stripper-like ass bouncing on top of your c**k.

Minuses: Not every woman can do it, nor every man. This one takes some skill, honestly. If sex was a martial art, I’d say that you need a blue belt before you try this position.

 

  1. The Scoop (A.K.A Scoop Me Up): One of my personal favorites. This is erotic, nasty, and…grown and kinda classy. (I did not intend to make that sentence rhyme.) It’s when one person is laying on their side, right behind another person who’s laying on their side. When penetration happens, usually, the person on the back end can embrace the person in front. In other words, a guy can be inside of a woman, grinding, while fondling her breasts. If this position is done right, it’s a combination of dirty-ass, sweaty screwing, and, passionate lovemaking. Tip: for men…if you’re in this position, and you’re behind a woman, either slowly kiss on her ear or neck, or whisper something dirty in her ear. Be prepared for wet sheets.

Plusses: Sideways penetration is, most of the time, great for hitting spots. This is also a very intimate position (more so than others), so if you and your partner aren’t really close emotionally, you will be after you get done.

Minuses: This is another position that’s hard to do the first few times (it was for me). It will take practice to pull this one off, and master it. But…you’ll have plenty of fun learning.

 

  1. Doggie Style: The. Best. Sex. Position. of. All. Time. It’s primal. It’s animal. It’s hot. It’s sexy. It’s fun. It’s naughty. Nasty. Freaky. All of the above. It’s the sexual alignment that’s the second most intuitive (although, I could see a real debate about it). It’s the one that I’m sure pre-dates the friggin’ wheel. I’m sure cave-people were rocking this position. There’s something, once again…primal about doggie style. Once two people engage in this position, they aren’t John, head of HR and Laurie, vice president of sales…they’re Zog and Trog in The Stone Age.

This position is not only fu**ing hot, it’s convenient. It’s the best for quickies (even better than missionary). Nearly every great quickie anyone has ever had has been in the doggie style position. And it’s a great position nearly anywhere. On a table, a chair, in a small space, a backseat of a car, on a flight of steps….hey now, I told you all that I’ve lived.

Plusses: Are you kidding me? Everything about doggie style is a plus.

Minuses: Are you high????!!!!

 

(Image courtesy of Google Images)

 

 

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